The cost of loyalty

I’ve been thinking a lot about loyalty lately.  Not in the context of political parties or militant groups, just loyalty in general and what role it plays in my life. So I decided to visit Webster’s Dictionary and see how it is defined.  Here’s what Mr. Webster says:

“…fidelity, allegiance, fealty, loyalty, devotion, piety…faithfulness to something….loyalty to which one is bound by pledge or duty… fidelity, implies strict and continuing faithfulness to an obligation, trust, or duty, marital fidelity.“

Well, then I had to look up piety.  And obligation.  And fealty.  You get the picture.  All the definitions come back to a similar theme, a human connection that is ever-present and is clearly ingrained in one’s character DNA.  You either have it or you don’t.

Or do you?  Is it something you can develop?  Is it learned? If you don’t have it, is it considered a character flaw?  Well, yes.  And no.

As with most of my life, examples of loyalty are best described through dogs.  I am first and foremost loyal to my dogs.  Barney, Bubba, Elvin, and Buddy have passed over that ever- elusive Rainbow Bridge.  Harvey, the Yellow Dog, remains steadfast by my side.  While I have always been loyal to them, I sometimes questioned their loyalty to me….until dinner time.  That was when I knew they were as loyal to me as their DNA would allow.  Whether they entered my life as a puppy (Barney and Harvey) or through a rescue (Buddy, Bubba, and Elvin), I pledged my loyalty to them the instant our eyes met.  That is in my DNA.

My loyalty to humans?  Let’s just say it has “evolved”.  I suppose loyalty is relative, what defines loyalty to one is not necessarily loyalty to another.  What I do know for sure is that loyalty matters, it is the one defining quality that speaks to a person’s character.  Because of loyalty, you remain honest.  Because of loyalty, you speak the truth.  Because of loyalty, you are trustworthy.  Because you are loyal, the same is shown to you.  There is an underlying theme here, right?

A few years ago I learned a valuable lesson about the significance of loyalty and it’s role in a friendship.  While I thought I was loyal to my friends, on a couple of different occasions the opportunity presented itself to demonstrate that loyalty and I failed miserably.   The details don’t matter but suffice to say; I didn’t show up when I should have. I didn’t defend when I should have.  And I jumped to the wrong conclusion when I should have asked better questions.  Grateful and thankful that I was given the chance to right those failures, I believe it was a lesson well worth the pain and angst I caused…mostly to myself.  It resulted in seriously evaluating the importance of loyalty and the significant role it plays in my life.  Most importantly what I learned is when given the opportunity to demonstrate loyalty, much like Nike therapy, just do it.

To those who have shown me loyalty, I thank you.  And to those who have not, I thank you.  Lessons learned are lessons learned be they from a positive angle or from a negative angle.  Fortunately, my best learned lessons have come primarily from the positive angle.

Inevitably, there is a cost to loyalty.  But the reward is where I choose to focus.  In 1910 Teddy Roosevelt spoke about “the man in the arena…the doer of deeds…who spends himself in a worthy cause”.    One hundred five years ago, Teddy was on to something.  Being in the arena is much like being loyal.  And much like being in the arena, loyalty can lead to failure, rejection, and possible heartache. Ultimately, the cost of not being in the arena is so much higher than actually being in the arena.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.